Of Tally Marks and Memories
by Loonymoon
Summary: One of those typical “LielowatLupin’s” fics… Slash
1. Chapter 1

Of Tally Marks and Memories

Summary: One of those typical "Lie-low-at-Lupin's" fics… Slash

Authors Note: This may or may not be a one-shot… I dunno. No major plans.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my clothes.

The "dog days" of summer were just beginning and Sirius was starting to realize why those days in August had been dubbed that name. The coat of fur sagged him down and his tongue rolled from side to side, dripping every now and then before he could suck it back in; he was human after all and he had retained a few manners. He had attempted to run under the neighbors sprinkler with the youngsters but a stubborn mother had shooed him away. Another boy dropped his ice cream near the park, and Sirius lapped it up happily, but the effects were wearing off. As the heat rose, so did his temper. He wanted Remus, and air-conditioning.

It had become a sort-of ritual for the two of them. Dog wakes master up. Master goes to work at Bookshop. Dog plays around town. At three, dog fetches master. They go home, go to sleep.

It was pathetically dull, really, compared to the wild adventures they had planed in their youth. Yet, Sirius had to admit, even as he panted into the pavement, that he was happier than he ever expected to be in thirteen years. The cold, forsaken, black hole that was azkaban was long gone now, and Sirius was living again. Life was sweet in its simplicity.

The dog barked into the window. Remus was collecting change from a lady with a dark purple hat, but from the way his eyes grew wide Sirius could tell he knew he was here. Once she left, laughing to her friends with a big plastic bag, Remus told his boss he was going home. The tall, gangly form of Remus Lupin stood in the wooden doorframe, staring down to his friend in dog form, wagging his tail on the placemat. "Hello Padfoot, old chap," he squatted down to his height, massaging his ears with his hand, "Come to take me home?" Sirius loved it, when they saw eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose when Remus was so much taller. He whined into his empty palm, rubbing his cold nose against warm flesh. He whimpered as Remus stroked the hair on the back of his neck.

"I know, old boy, it's hot. Let's hurry home so we can turn on the fans, alright?"

Sirius yipped happily. It was strange; Remus knew the language he spoke in dog form as well as he knew English. His boss just thought he was nutters, which was just as well. His dog-mouth formed a grin as he skipped by his master's side.

The trip home was much quicker than the trip to the store. His master got out the bronze keys, opened the door beyond the fading garden, started up the fans, opened the cupboards and asked, "What do'u want to eat, Padfoot?"

Padfoot had become a grown man, black hair reaching the small of his back, looking lean, but much better than he had a few months ago. He cocked his head sideways, much like he did as a dog, "I dunno, what've we got?"

"Not much," said Lupin, looking exasperated, "I need to get another job." He stared into the empty cupboards sadly, and all the remains of lays chips and beer on the pantry paper.

"I wish you would let me give you some money from my account…"

"Sirius, don't be a pig-head."

"I'm _not_! I've been eating you out of house and home and you're not letting me compensate!"

"Sirius, you hardly eat enough to make me get another job. I was merely suggesting to _myself_ that it would be better to get another job so that _I _can maintain a better style of well-being…"

"For yourself, though, right?"

"Yes, Padfoot."

Though not thoroughly convinced, Sirius came round to stare at a loaf of bread, and a can of tomato soup in another corner. "We could have grilled cheese and tomato soup…" He mused.

"I guess… that's all we _can_ have, unless I call a pizza boy."

"Go on, make us grilled cheese, _please_…"

"Well, if you insist."

A few moments and a few dirty dishes later Sirius was staring at his sandwich lovingly cut diagonally for him. A bowl of tomato soup lay between him and his master. He dipped the tip into the red mush and ate it, contently, mentally waging his tail. Remus just stared at him, with an amused expression only Moony could wear, like a mother seeing watching her child play with stuffed animals, or like a when two people in front of you in the line at the grocery store are in an argument and you can't help but smile goofily into the magazines, pretending not to hear. It was almost a loving expression, but not quite. It wasn't rude or hurtfully amusing; it was just a "you're so silly" twist of the cheek trying to hide underneath a blush. Sirius stomach leapt, as the cheese and bread made its way down. He recognized that expression, not the where or when of it, but it had significance in the back of his brain that he _should_ remember but he _can't_.

Azkaban had taken so many memories that Sirius didn't even realize that he and Remus were ever lovers. And Remus didn't have the heart to tell him.

"Like that sandwich, eh Padfoot?" Remus mused, bringing his own cheese and bread to his lips.

"Yeah… it's good…" Sirius stared at him bewildered, trying to remember what was so significant about that smile. "Moony? Did I? Do you? I mean…"

"Did I what?"

"I dunno… I was just wondering…"

Remus' smiling mouth turned into a stoic line and he closed his eyes. He was used Sirius ramblings such as these, "Don't worry. It'll come back, Padfoot. Just give it some time."

Sirius frowned into the tomato soup, "I know I just… want it all to come back at once…" He was speaking, of course, of the happy memories that had escaped him from such a long time with the dementor's. It seemed that ever happy memory had been sucked out of him, and when he escaped he only had one thing on his mind: to kill Wormtail. But since he met Harry and Dumbledore again, his memories slowly, painfully were coming back.

"But you've done so well already! I mean it was only yesterday when you remembered being on the dueling team at Hogwarts in third year!"

"That was hardly a happy memory, Snape was on the team, after all… but it feels like I'm missing something more important…"

"Well," Remus' voice sounded oddly constrained, like he was trying to sound like someone else, "the happiest memories take the most time. I wouldn't worry about it. What you need is sleep, food and care."

"Right," Sirius said, sounding defeated. They ate the rest of their meal in silence, wondering what the next day would bring.

A/N: Do you think I should continue? Send me a review to tell me what you think! (I apologize in advance for my bad grammar skills.)


	2. August Moon

The bed was small and the blankets smelled like grandmothers and dusty shelves, yet the two full grown men stuffed themselves into it every night and managed not to fall off. Remus lay uncomfortably sleeping still in his work shirt and trousers, back to the wall, one arm entombed in the pillow, breathing loudly enough to rattle Sirius' black hair back and forth. A fragile body wrapped in black robes was curled in a ball next to him. Black hair was splayed everywhere, hanging off the bed, dusting the pillows, lying under Remus' cheek, which pulled Sirius' scalp but he didn't have the heart to move him. The soft half moon illuminated out of the only small window reflecting in Sirius' gray eyes: he had yet to fall asleep. His body seemed to be paralyzed, immobile, except perhaps the twitch of lips and the flicker of an eyelid. He stared into Remus' calm, adult visage without really seeing it. Thinking, without real thoughts. Dreaming without real dreams. Just staring, eyes focused but mind amuck through the straw-colored hair.

_"James said that we shouldn't stay to long… he heard Snape mention…"_

Pettigrew's voice echoed a memory, but once Sirius realized it was a real memory his mind chased it away. He closed his eyes, but after a few seconds they snapped back open. But what he saw in his mind was quidditch fields and the bridge of the forest. The grass was green from a rainy spring; Remus picked up a wild daisy and smiled at him that amused smile. "_Padfoot, you look bewildered… did you loose your quidditch socks again?"_

_ "No."_

_ Young Remus frowned, his bottom lip pouting a bit, making him look somewhat adorable, "What's wrong then?"_

_ "Nothing its just S…"_

Remus rolled his arm in his sleep, the rest of his memory left in a hissing of his brain as he curled his arm between them. An apartment with silver appliances and dorky furniture became a home for two young men, carrying their luggage in hand in hand…

_"Don't be a pighead, Sirius, of course I'm going to pay half the rent…isn't that what we…"_

Sirius shivered, cold because of the sudden burst of fresh air from the open window. He heard his own, younger voice from the back of his brain, speaking in a whisper at some sort of party. _"It isn't fair, you know, because we've spent just as much time as James or Lily at keeping our relationship together. I just don't get the difference from them and us. They seem to think that they're the real shit and we're just pretending or something…"_

It escaped him whom he was talking to. Sirius whimpered like a dog… maybe if he transformed the memories wouldn't bother him and he would get some sleep. "_You know, you're my best friend, don't you?"_ Remus' curled ever closer for warmth; these blankets were far too thin. All thoughts and memories perished when the sleeping werewolf wrapped his arm around Sirius' waist. He felt his lips on his neck, the puff of breath on his Adam's apple. The rest of his body curled closer, like a child attempting to hug an enormous teddy bear. Remus emitted a sound between a sigh and a coo, the humming vibrating Sirius' collarbone. He debated whether or not to wake his old friend. He would have pushed him off, if his face didn't look so pleasant and dreamy instead of the pained expression he wore most of the time when he slept. Yet a blush still heated his face. He lay there like a rock for a few minutes until his body did what was most comfortable: wrap his arms gently around the werewolf for warmth. "Siri…iusssss…" said Remus in his sleeping breath. This made him blush further, perhaps he was dreaming about him. Sirius wondered what he was doing that gave Remus such a pleasant dream about him… perhaps in the dream he was licking his face as a dog? But inside he was glad; if Remus seemed so happy to see him in his dreams then perhaps he was as happy as Sirius was that they were together all the time.

Sirius did remember _some_ things… things from their relationship when the mistrust began, when the hurt, arguing and fear took control. He remembered that part, the horribleness of it all, the pain and loneliness he felt when the idea came into his head that Remus might actually be the traitor. But that was all he knew… He figured their friendship had to be very good before then because the fall of that relationship was so achingly painful. All he knew was that Remus had been such a source of injury in Azkaban, even more than the pain he felt for James' and Lily's deaths, such a pain that simply the fact of not having Remus with him cause emotional agony. So eventually, to ease the pain, he stopped thinking about Remus altogether. And memories slipped away, to leave Sirius wondering why Remus would be dreaming about him on a cloudless August night.

"Remus?" He whispered, not really expecting an answer.

"Hmm…" he hummed, apparently half-awake.

"We were always good friends, weren't we?"

"Hmmm," he made a gargle of approval.

"Remus?"

"Hmm…"

"We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Yes, love," he twisted his legs into a more comfortable position, "Ge'sum sleep, Sirius… don't… worry…" He nestled himself further into the crook of Sirius' neck. Only after a few snores and after Sirius was sure that he was asleep, he place a kiss on top of Moony's forehead, and drifted to sleep as well.


	3. Hallelujah Night

A/N: I really… don't have a plot… eeeeee…. ,

"Sirius! _Sirius! _Helloooo," Lupin waved his hand over his friend's dreamy face, holding a piece of parchment in his left hand. Sirius shook involuntarily; he had just been thinking about the rides he took on his old motorcycle. When his eyes still remained diluted Remus lightly knocked on the top of his head twice. "Hello? Anyone in there?" He chuckled at Sirius detachment with reality, and smiled broadly.

But instead of laughing and smiling back, Sirius' face suddenly looked darker. When he lifted his head, and his eyes came into focus, Remus was reminded of the picture took at Azkaban, the one that made him look like a wild murderer. He glared, and hissed in a deep voice, "Don't joke about that." He physically took a step back in surprise, immediately sorry about his lack of consideration. The Dementor's kiss was Sirius' greatest fear for some time now. Joking about there being a body but having nobody inside was certainly a reason for a man who's spent twelve years in Azkaban to act jumpy.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean," Remus whispered, into the back of his hand, trying to hide the crack of emotion in his voice.

"It's ok…" Sirius said immediately, he felt sheepish for scaring Remus like that. He really did sound sorry, after all. "What's that you got?" He asked nonchalantly as his stray hand stroked a tall gray horse next to him (one that happened to have the name of Buckbeak). It had taken powerful magic to transfigure such a large animal, but Remus had proven his magical abilities; he looked like a perfectly normal old horse. They were standing in an old shed in the forest outside Remus' house, where most people didn't dare to go out of fear that the place was haunted. Sirius could remain as a man here, without a worry that anyone would come along.

"It's a letter from Dumbledore," Remus said exasperatedly, "I've been trying to get your attention, as it might be urgent."

He watched as the taller man ripped open the envelope and read, face falling steadily as he did so. After his eyes flickered back and forth a few more times, he pocketed it in his robes and swore into his palm, massaging his face. "Damn," he said, trying and failing to not sound emotional, "I've… I've got to leave. Dumbledore reckons its best." He stared at a bright red leaf on the ground.

"Why?"

"I don't know," he tried to regain composure; "He says I should keep moving, you know, not stay in one place." His face was expressionless, but a painful torrent of emotions was taking place inside. He could hardly believe Dumbledore was making him do this. He was getting so much better at remembering things. He nearly remembered five memories while lying next to Remus last night. It was because Remus was with him that he was doing so well. Was his only source for care and protection just going to be dashed away from him so quickly?

"Did he give you another assignment for the Order?"

"No," he said bitterly, brushing his hair out of his face, "He just said to get out and go… for my own safety…" He stared at the red leaf again. Was it really possible? No more playing in the park or rescuing Remus from the bookstore, or scrounging for dinner together… Did he have to be alone?

Remus' eyes quivered and he sighed, "You have to go on the run again? Do you think…You'd better do it, I guess… I wish you didn't have to… I…" He paused, as if trying to give himself strength for what he was about to say, "I want to go with you."

"No you don't, your just sa…"

"Let me go with you, please… I have nothing for me here. My boss is ready to fire me. I can't afford food. I don't want to live here anymore. I just… I want to get up and _leave_…" He said eagerly, "I promise I won't be a burden. I'll keep you company… Please. Take me with you. I want to go with you."

Sirius' eyes widened; he sounded _serious_, his voice sounded so firm, he wasn't just telling it to him as a sweet goodbye. His eyes were low and his voice husky. His heart leapt with… some sort of strange emotion… admiration? He blushed slightly at the solidness and firmness that rarely came out of Remus, shamefully aware of a twitch in his nether-regions.

"Are you sure you…"

"Yes!" Remus exclaimed, golden eyes burning bright like a candle's flame.

He paced, trying to decide what to do. Could it work? Could he get away with bringing him along? Would they be able to conceal each other? Perhaps Remus could even steal food…

"I could get food," he said, echoing Sirius' thoughts, "don't worry, I'm a good actor… I worked as one once… We could take Buckbeak… and just… and just _go!_" His eyes were now blazing with excitement that Sirius could not bear to stifle.

"But…but… Dumbledore won't…"

"Dumbledore doesn't have to know right away, we'll tell him once we've found another place to settle," Remus answered quickly.

He mulled over every possibility in his head three times before speaking, "You've got to promise me one thing," he said finally, "Promise me that if I'm caught or killed, that you won't try to save me, that you'll run for it," after the werewolf made a grunting retort he finished, "I won't have you getting into trouble. Aiding a wanted murderer could mean Azkaban… I don't want you to ever know what that's like. Don't try to save me, just run. Got it?"

Remus nodded, eyes still bright and wanting.

"Alright…" he gave up refusing something he wanted so much, "let's go."

And a short while later, after Buckbeak was transfigured back, food and clothes were packed, and three disillusionment charms were administered, Remus and Sirius rose into the sparkling night sky. As Sirius clutched the reins, he could not see the look of happiness and devotion splayed across the werewolf's face as he nestled his head on his former lover's shoulder, becoming enveloped in the purpling sky.


	4. RatTails

Sirius was blushing. Sirius, the grown man, the stud of Hogwarts in his time, the sickeningly pale survivor of Azkaban was blushing like a thirteen-year-old girl. It looked odd against the unshaven bristle on his chin and the wrinkling black circles under his eyes, but it was there, the blood vessels in his cheeks fit to burst.

Luckily Remus didn't notice. The canopy of darkness hid him. The only light for miles was that of a small fire on a plateau of a rocky cliff. Buckbeak was lazily picking off the rats that were scampering over the rocks, while Lupin fluffed a few blankets over the damp rocks where they decided to camp out. A bowl of hot chilly warmed Sirius' long-fingernail hands as he numbly sat staring into the fire pit.

Sirius wasn't sure what triggered it, but when Lupin had sighed, "Ah, Sirius…" in a high-pitched, laughing voice when he got up, his body suddenly reacted like a sixteen-year-old to a PlayWarlock magazine. His breath quickened, his mouth ran dry, the muscles in his stomach tightened and he blushed crimson. In the back of his mind he could hear that voice, "Aahh, Sirius!" and he saw underneath his eyelids a vision of a tawny-haired someone, golden eyes hazy, crying out in lust.

_That couldn't have been real_, he thought. _It's not a memory… it's just probably some risqué program I watched when I was younger…_ Nevertheless he willed his ragged breath to calm down. _I'm acting crazy_, he thought as a drop of sweat rolled down his temple. Buckbeak stared at him quizzically, a rat-tail dangling from his beak.

"You alright there, Padfoot?" the golden-eyed someone asked, sitting down on a log next to Sirius.

"Ahhmmm…" he said, trying to hide his thumping heart, "I'm thirsty."

Remus grinned a daringly sexy grin that one would hardly think comes from an old school friend, or a bookworm. "I've got just the thing," he said, pulling up a plastic bag by his feet, which clinked as if there were glasses inside. "I stole this from the grocery store in town. Muggle stuff." He thrust a beer bottle into his hand, "I think's its called Guiness. Supposedly it's an Irish thing… I think…"

Sirius downed a gulp and burped loudly, which lead Remus to snort as he took limited sips. "It's good," said Sirius. The werewolf beamed.

They sat side-by-side, drinking into the night, the only noises being the crunch of rats, the crickets and the occasional burp from Sirius. Lupin hardly drank anything, he only breathed deep gulps of the clean are, apparently in ecstasy. "I'm so glad," he whispered. "I'm so glad I'm here."

Sirius burped very loudly this time, "You say that now. When it's only been a few hours into our journey. Bet by the time next week rolls around you'll be beggin' me to go home." He smiled widely.

But Remus' grin fell short, "No. I won't miss it. I'd rather be with you." Sirius felt a rush of blood to his cheeks again. "You see, you're trying to remember things, Sirius… and well… so am I. I've been trying to get myself to forget some things for years now… and well… perhaps we can help eachother… you know… remember…" He took an uncharacteristically long drag from his beer and burped as loudly as Sirius. "Soooo… captain Black. Where to next?"

He scratched his bristly chin with his uncut fingernails. "I was thinking we should go south. I'm done with gathering all of the Order members. And the best way to help them is to get out of the way and go where it's warm and sunny. That way the dementors will have trouble finding me. That's what I did last year." Sirius looked at the man next to him again. Quite suddenly the image of Remus sprawled out on a sandy beach was quite appealing. He blushed again as the werewolf laid back against a rock behind him, the muscles in his chest contracting.

"That would be nice," he said, and by the happy, closed-eyes look on his pale face he seemed to be thinking the very same thing. "I don't know what you're talking about… me begging you to go home. I don't think you'll ever get me to go back!"

The sight of this happy man, his hair askew and his nostrils flared breathing in the cold night air, led Sirius heart to swell to an almost painful measure. He hadn't felt anything like this in… years…

"I think I'm going to turn in," Sirius said, standing up. Yawning, Remus followed suit. They poured a bucket of water over the fire, and tucked into their sheets.

Sirius wondered sleepily, why they were sleeping in such close proximity since they were no longer squished in one bed…

… but as the werewolf dreamily snuggled into the crook of his neck again, Sirius lost his concern.

A/N: Sorry this one is short. But better than nothing, right?

…right?

Make me feel better with review… and I might be handing out lollies!


	5. Mad Dog

"Remus, am I crazy?"

"Yes," he answered without asking why he would ask something like that or answering "No, of course not…" like how the old Remus would have done. His eyes were closed comfortably and a half smile played across his lips as he slowly woke up from his dreams. He had been napping in the sun. "I've established this long ago, Padfoot. But nothing's changed though, so you don't need to worry." His bleary, bright eyes opened slowly like the tide pulling back along the shore.

They were in a new, different place by the time the afternoon sun rolled around. They had been riding all morning in silence. Now Buckbeak was tiredly sipping at a cool mountain spring. Remus rested hobbit-like in the thick trees and was in the middle of a cat-nap (or dog-nap, whichever).

"I had a memory about you," Sirius elaborated. "It came back."

He smiled up at him contently from the soil, waiting for him to continue. The Black lowered himself onto a tree trunk, like how an elderly man would lower himself off of his walker and onto a park bench. "I saw it in front of me when we passed over that muggle town, like I was dreaming. But I…" Remus' golden head looked at him expectantly. "It wasn't happy," he explained slowly, the chapped lips fumbling for words. "You were crying." His happy face fell into a frown. "And I… you were hysterically sobbing and… I don't remember why but… you were in your twenties or so and there were tears all over your face. Your white shirt was damp with the rain and your tears. And in my dream I felt so feeble… I…" His skeletal frame shivered not from the cold. "What was that about?"

"I don't remember that," Remus said, a crease forming between his eyebrows. He ran his fingers through his brown graying hair, his eyes out of focus. "How old did you say I was?"

"I dunno. Twenties must be. You had a younger face but you had a few gray hairs. Just a few, right here," Sirius ran his fingers though his friend's hair by his left temple. The werewolf shivered as calloused fingers stroked a lock of hairs by his ear.

"I was twenty and I was crying," he whispered to himself, bemusedly. Sirius did not pull his hand away. He continued to twist his fingers in the short gray hairs, his firm palm touching the side of Remus' soft face as he continued to shiver. "I don't remember that. I always tried my best when I was that age to not cry in front of you."

"It unsettled me," Sirius explained. "Because you never got upset. You've always been a bit of a stoic. But when you do let it out, it comes like the breaking of a damn. I guess I was just shocked and that's why I remember it… but why?"

Curious, puppy-dog eyes searched Remus' visage for some sort of closure. But he continued to bite his damnably attractive bottom lip, his eyebrows pinched closer. "I think we got in an argument," he guessed as Sirius pulled his hand away. "I really don't know though… I'm not a big help, am I?"

But suddenly, the dog's eyes grew hazy and his voice grew deep, "I hurt you." He said slowly as the startled wolf gaped. "I had been hurting you for a long time. I just never realized it. I took you for granted, and when you finally stood up for yourself… I was shocked and ashamed."

Slowly, very slowly, a change of ignorance to knowledge swept over the werewolf's aura. His face remained still, his mouth pressed in a firm line, save for his eyes. His eyes, which twinkled with fiery curiosity, became hazy with memory, doubt, and disbelief.

"What did I do to hurt you? I really don't remember… tell me, Remus."

"It doesn't matter," Lupin said plainly, lip curling into a strained half-smile. "We forgave each other within minutes after that. I was just really sad for a long time, but it got better." He got from his spot under the safety of the tree, brushing dirt and bits of grass off of the back of his robes, Sirius staring all the while.

"Was it about the war?" he followed him like the dog following his master.

He frowned, "A little," he walked down towards where Buckbeak lay by the spring. "It was just about how… we couldn't trust each other…"

"But why? What did I do?" he asked eagerly.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, we've got to get lunch."

"When? When can we talk about it?"

"Not right now."

"Tomorrow?"

"No. Just not now, Sirius. Later."

"When will later be now?"

"Sirius," Remus said in a final sort of tone, turning round to see him face-to-face again, "I will tell you later. I promise."

"But when will…"

"You're just going to have to trust me on this one, Pads. Can you do that? Can you trust me?"

He silently bit his lip for a few moments, as if sizing the werewolf up, the curiosity in his look subsiding. "For you," he said softly, "I can do that."

Remus grinned, finally. That damn smile. A secret little happy smile that Sirius sometime caught Remus wearing when he wasn't looking; a genuine smile that generally was saved for mothers watching their children, or lovers' happy endings as they stared into each others eyes. This sort of smile you aren't supposed to see, but find and catch and claim and remember. But now he didn't have to catch it, it was given to him. It was a gift with love from Remus. And blushing, Sirius took it appreciatively.

It was a few more hours on Buckbeak's back and nightfall fell once again. Secretly Sirius thought that the hippogriff was going much slower than usual, due to the extra weight, and that perhaps the trip would go much slower than he had anticipated. But in no way was Sirius going to tell Remus that. He liked being around the werewolf too much. _Besides_, he thought lamely as he tucked himself into a patch of earth and blankets next to his golden form, _I'm not too worried. _Remus tossed around in the moss of the hillside, weaving himself around roots and wriggling into the quilt. Once his body lay still for a few moments until he was wriggling again, his spine contracting and growing. He uncomfortably did that for what seemed like hours. Sirius raised his eyebrows. Finally, Remus gave up. "Sirius," he asked, sitting up, "could you do me a really silly favor?"

Sirius, who was comfortably half-awake said, "Depends on the favor."

"C-could you… I sound so stupid," he said, smoothing the creases in the quilt, "could you change into Padfoot for me?" Remus was amazed by the childishness of his own voice, and coughed loudly as if to stifle it.

Almost instantly, though, the black-haired ghostly prisoner soundlessly morphed into a shaggy black dog.

Joyfully Remus threw his arms around the dog and snuggled his face into a mop of black fur on the back of his shaggy neck, smelling the sweet boyish aroma of dog. He sighed against Sirius' back, finally comfortable. The dog couldn't speak, but the werewolf could predict his questioning thoughts. "You're just like a big teddy-bear," he whispered, his small voice muffled by black hair, vibrating through Sirius' spine. If dogs could blush he would be blushing. If dogs could laugh he would be laughing. He made a wheezy noise out of his pointed mouth that was similar to a laugh, but it stopped as soon as he could feel Remus-fingers running though the dog-hair on his furry chest, stoking his long nose. Intimacy warmed his cold sole as it hadn't had in years. He shivered at the thought of what this would look like if he _was_ human right now, with Moony's strong hands stoking his chest, rubbing the back of his head, with his breath on the back of his next and his legs wrapped around him… yet he couldn't pull away. It felt far too relaxing.

"Mmm… night Padfoot," Remus whispered, as his hands stopped moving and lay limp against his fur. The great black dog let himself slip into the night, dreams, memories…

But Remus lay awake, staring at one great black ear, remembering things he had tried for so long to forget.

_He was knocking on an old wooden door in the rain. Bits of brown hair stuck to his forehead. He tried not to cry. He mustn't cry._

_Peter had told him everything that night over ale. "He's cheating on you, Remus, isn't it obvious? With that blond woman. But there've been so many chics it's hard to keep track. James hasn't told you cause James is Sirius' best mate. But I'm sick of it, really I am. I'm sick of seeing you two happy when behind your back all this stuff is going on. That's why he's moved out of your apartment… it's not because of the war at all. He doesn't trust you, Remus. He thinks you're the spy. He can't trust you because he can't trust himself. I know you love each other but pretty soon you're going to get hurt."_

_Remus' face had been set in a stoic line, "He thinks I'm a spy?"_

_"So do Lily and James. There's been a lot going on… really I'm suspicious of Sirius, he's been doing all this shit behind our backs. But I trust you, Remus. You can count on me…"_

_A few hours later he was pounding Sirius' wooden door so hard that his hands began to bleed. He mustn't cry. He has to stay strong. He has to confront him. Ask him why. He has to ask him why they can't trust each other anymore. "Sirius!" he cried into the gray sky._

_ The door opens and he is crying in the rain, clutching his drenched white shirt. _

_ "Remus," Sirius' younger, handsome visage looked alarmed._

_ He continued to sob, letting out all inhibitions of holding his emotions in. And it came, as Sirius said, like the breaking of a great damn, the weight of all the suspicion and doubts and fear letting lose into the storm._

_ "Remus," by his voice he is shocked. He is unnerved by his Moony crying into the night. He strode into the rain, taking the soaked wolf into his dry arms. "What is it, love?"_

_ They retreated into the warmth of his abode and he gave the wet man a towel. Remus explained everything Peter had said in a high-pitched, feeble voice. When he was done Sirius took his sobbing face in his hands and kissed him fiercely. _

_ Later that night, Sirius proved himself that he would _never_ cheat on his Moony (through the efforts of makeup sex). When he finally left for his home the next morning, he was quite sure that Sirius hadn't cheated on him. _

_ But as to whether or not Sirius thought he was a spy, he didn't find out. _

Remus wished, as he snuggled deeper into the dog's fur, that eventually Sirius could start remembering memories that were a bit happier than that. But he would take what he could get. Smiling to the stars ahead, to the Dog Star, he let his dreams finally take him.


	6. Wizard's Beard

It was 2 o'clock in the morning. "Two in the bloody _morning_, Moony!" whined Sirius, who was beginning to gain back his adolescent sleeping habits. He had changed back into a man at some point in the night, and his head was currently curled in the crook of his friend's neck. A warm circle of blankets on the ground lay in the middle of a forest beneath the stars, and suddenly a bright light had roused Remus from his peaceful rest. He checked his wristwatch, it couldn't be daybreak… and yet it was a bright red sun like the sunrises over the Sahara. It couldn't have been a muggle car headlight, as those were far too white. Finally when the werewolf blearily opened his eyes a fuzzy bird-like shape came into focus he let out a gasp. Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix seemed to glow against the moist, leafy ground and was staring rather accusingly at them, it's beak full of envelope.

"Sirius…" Remus gulped into the quiet night, "I think we're in trouble."

The man, instead of acting with worry, only whimpered when his warm pillow reached to grab the parchment. "Sirius… wake up, love. It's from Dumbledore… it has your name on in…"

It took quite a bit of coaxing. Remus reflected how odd it was that a month or so ago Sirius was barely getting any sleep at all and now he refused to get up. But eventually his wincing grey eyes blinked open and stared bemusedly at the parchment in front of his face. Crickets chipped and Fawkes cleaned his feathers while he slowly opened the envelope.

"Dear Mighty Mutts," read Sirius aloud, wincing a half-smile, "When I said to keep moving I didn't mean both of you, yet I think it all very well that he has joined you. No major mishaps have resulted, and I wonder why I hadn't thought of it in the first place. No matter. I have discovered some information that would greatly interest you two. You may even be able to help the Order, and we can keep the two of you safe for the time being. I wish to review this information with you at three o'clock in the Hunter's Mill in the nearby town up the hill. I will be under the name Ferguson. Yours Sincerely, Alfred." He finished, quizzically.

"Alfred?" Remus asked.

"That's the name he calls himself when he writes me," Sirius explained offhandedly. He reread the last few lines to himself.

"He doesn't seem mad, does he?" Remus nervously whimpered, like a student who had gotten a low grade on an exam. He felt a bit guilty for not telling him he had gone in the first place. He should have know that Dumbledore was more ominous… that he would have found out…

"Doesn't seem that way," said Sirius optimistically. "Although I don't like this 'Mighty Mutts' thing. Bit insulting really."

"It's a good code name though," Remus said, straightening up, smelling the early morning air. The crisp coolness spread through his limbs and fingers. His legs were instantly covered in goose bumps. He felt his eyelids with his cold fingertips and stretched his other arm, letting out a toothy yawn. Sirius stared at him wistfully, wishing he could nuzzle in the warm skin of Remus's neck and collarbone. For warmth of course.

Eventually they coaxed their stiff legs and drooping eyes to cooperate and pack their things away. They left Buckbeak tied to a tree as the gray horse and ambled up the hill towards streetlights.

Hunter's Mill was a disheveled barn only a few streets into the town and to their astonishment was still lively. As they neared the wide-open barn doors they saw an array of men dressed in plaid shirts and jeans. Bearded, thick muscled men who had their hunting rifles against the far wall were stomping about in the twilight. They, like Remus and Sirius, seemed to not have bathed for a few days but looked as though they could care less. The singing and shouting warmed the bar, as thick ales passing through the calloused hands of gruff, but happy-looking men. This crowd at 2 AM seemed as though they were not ready to die down and go home until at least six.

They looked at each other incredulously. Only Dumbledore could find a crowded place at 2 AM where two grown men who haven't washed in a few days would seem normal.

Remus timidly beckoned to the black-bearded bartender, who was scrubbing an empty glass vigorously, "We're with Ferguson!" The man sniffed, nodded and pointed to a lone table at the corner of the bar, were a man in a gray cap sat humming to himself. They made it across the bar to find that Dumbledore had transfigured his long beard into a short, blond stubble and his hair into baldness, but his cheekbones and his odd, twinkling blue eyes remained behind his half-moon glasses. He was dressed in shamefully muggle attire, from his leather jacket to his thick work-boots. But this was Dumbledore, all right. The twist of his smile, half-scolding, half-impressed, and his wizened aura remained. "How you do'n there, Patrick?" he nodded to Remus, in a voice that was trying to mock some sort of accent (_Scottish, maybe?_ Sirius thought) but he sounded more like a squeaky Hagrid than anything. "And you Gerald?" he nodded to Sirius. "How's yer camping trip goin'?"

"Er…" answered Sirius, "Well."

He smiled benignly at them.

Remus coughed, "Uh… yeah… great weather and all…"

"Perfect season this is," said the mock Ferguson. "Eh, Patrick, how bout you get us some ales, hmm?"

For a moment they both didn't move. Then Sirius motioned to go, then Remus. Then they both remained still. They had forgotten their code names already.

"Eh…" said Dumbledore, who temporarily lost his fake accent and coughed, "Re… Patrick."

"Oh," said the fake Patrick. Remus quickly ducked through the crowd towards the bar as Sirius sat down.

"Look, Alb… Ferguson," said Sirius in a low voice, "We're really sorry about that. It was just a spur-of-the-moment, sporadic type of thing, you know…"

"I perfectly understand," said Dumbledore in his British accent again, but he remedied it quickly. "Patrick gayve us quit a scare. His house was empty, everything… we thought he had… yeh know… become a missing person." He inclined his head in a way that said quite plainly, "we thought he was captured by Voldemort."

"Yeah, well," Sirius ran his fingers through his long, black hair, eyeing a blond-haired Patrick who was conversing with the bartender. "I supposed it was really childish of us. We should have realized it would have its consequences..."

"Well, like I said, no harm done," he said, cleaning his glasses with the rim of his cotton shirt. "Just gave an old man a surprise is all. Works out fine anyway. How are you're liking the time you spend with ole' Patrick? Probably not as lonely with him tagging around now, is it?"

"No, not as lonely," Sirius said. Then, a great clanging noise sounded from the middle of the bar accompanied by loud, male shouts. With one quick rise out of his chair, Sirius could see Lupin, whose chest was now covered in piss-colored beer, apologizing high-pitched and passionately to a drunken man whom had apparently knocked the poor werewolf over. Sirius was there in a flash. "Say you're sorry!" Sirius demanded to the bleary-eyed mustached man.

He laughed carelessly, "Sssourry but it's your hussband's fault for carry'en his drinks on his queer little twinkle-y toes!"

This set off Sirius even more, "Apologize!" he shouted over the bar's noise. He was willing to get in a fight. "My friend is NOT a QUEER!" He raised his fist up to the man's bulging eyes. But Remus cut him short.

"Si… Gerald!" he shouted behind his back. He pulled at his friend's elbow. "It's not worth it," he whispered into his ear as he steered him back to Ferguson's table.

Dumbledore's now-blond eyebrows were so high that they threatened to disappear behind his gray cap. He was staring at Sirius as though he had just thrown up. With a mixture of pity and alarm on his face, he looked back at Remus, and then to Sirius again, and back and forth. Sirius blushed in confusion as he sat down, but Remus looked twice as embarrassed. His handsome graying head remained fixed downward as he stared at his toes of his bulky hiking boots. His cheeks were flushed, his ears red, and he twiddled with his fingers on his cloth napkin. Sirius noticed something that he never noticed before… something in his friend's posture. His knees were pressing together, his shoulders bent at an awkward angle, like a bird with a broken wing. He noticed for the first time how womanish and full Remus' lips were… how his back curled… Good Lord! He can't be…

Something like raw chilly bubbled from Sirius' insides.

"Dear Remus," Dumbledore said forgetting all plans of new names. He patted Remus' hand in a fatherly way. "I had no idea it was this bad. No wonder. I should apologize."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Albus," said Remus, finally looking up from the floor.

Sirius remained in a state of confusion, "No wonder _what_, exactly?"

"I had planned for you two to revisit Grimmauld Place- I was thinking we could make residence there, you see- but now I think it is imperative that we handle this problem first. A house divided cannot stand. And if he doesn't even _remember_ these things then how can we possibly move forward?"

"What problem? No wonder what? Tell me!" Sirius furiously growled. "Is this because of my memory?"

"We both just need time," Remus explained above Sirius' blabbering. "Which we cannot spare at the moment…"

"But if we could? I can't have you two separated in this way. It's part of the plan. Besides, the task ahead could have used more time. Decontaminating Grimmauld place will take months but we need a place for headquarters _now_... "

"But there's no way…"

"Perhaps we could…" Dumbledore stroked his blond stubble of a beard. "Perhaps we could use the Cyrullis spell. No doubt it will be effective. You both have a certain affinity with canines. The dog star, Sirius, it's perfect… a few months… we could get into a lot of trouble, though…" he was talking to himself more than Remus now. "Surely Cornelius would notice. But then again I'm already in trouble with the Ministry… one extra spell wouldn't… and besides he's already sidetracked with trying to create bad publicity about me. Maybe it would go unnoticed. A few months time and… what do you say if you could have an extra holiday?"

This took Remus by surprise, "Are you saying that we can start the summer, _over_?"

"No, no, dear boy! Surely not! Are you suggesting that the entire world would have another two more months of summer? It would be chaos! The polar ice caps would melt! Not to mention all the kiddies would run amuck and never get any learning done for another two months! Disaster! No, what I'm saying is you two would just start summer over as if it were tomorrow, and when the time comes it round I will send you to Grimmauld place."

"Wouldn't that mess with the time-space continuum?" asked Remus as Sirius gapped at both of them.

"No. You see… it's not like time-turners. Time turner has both the now and the then, so that when you go back you can see yourself. That's why you have to always be hidden. In this spell, Canis Cyrullis, you wake up in the same body you were in two months ago. You're the same person you were, but you're head has a bit more knowledge, you see? It's still somewhat illegal though..."

"But isn't that…" Sirius began.

"It hasn't been used in a few centuries," Dumbledore said waving Sirius off. "Sometimes purebloods used to make their children use this spell. They would teach them until they were sixteen or so, then transform them back into childhood so they could brag about how smart their child was as opposed to 'those muggle brats'. It fell out of practice though, thank goodness, since underage wizard laws were put into place. Too many children died in the process. It can only work once in a lifetime. And it is a bit dangerous. You must pay homage to a certain constellation or star for help in the spell. If you don't have any loyalty to the star then you could be badly wounded or killed in the process, out of the star's wrath... But I think the star Sirius would…"

But a drunken man with a grisly beard had just tapped Sirius on the shoulder. Sirius, or Gerald, whirled round. "I've scheen you before, have I?" asked the smashed gentleman.

Sirius face turned instantly to the color of sour milk. This man must have recognized him from the muggle news…

"I haven't met you before," he croaked, nervously.

"Methinks I've schene you…" he drooled for a moment, bringing a forefinger to his lips. "I've schene you." The poor lad looked perplexed. They all prayed together. _Why hadn't I thought of making Sirius change into a dog before we came in?_ Remus thought as his gut clenched. The man sucked in a breath. Dawning swept across his face. "I know!" Remus saw Dumbledore whip out his wand out of the corner of his eye. "I've schene you on …Dayz of Our Lives!"

When they got up off of the ground a few minutes later (with Remus still laughing his head off) they left a tip on the wooden table and headed towards the forest. As they retreated, Dumbledore's beard became white against the black woods and his robes purple and long. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other for the briefest of moments (Sirius' eyes questioning and Remus' assuring) as they followed their master further into darkness.

(Days of Our Lives is a bad soap opera in the United States.)

A/N: So… the last chapter was a little sad so I made this one kind of random with the intention of it being funny. Don't worry about Canis Cyrullis. I'm going to explain it in more detail later. Sorry about my bad un-beta-d-ness.

If you review I'll give you (insert favorite junk food here).


	7. Canis Cyrullis

A/N: My apologies for this very short, very late insufficient chapter. I've been writing original fiction, which got me sidetracked. This is segment merely serves as a sort of explanation … I promise the next one will be far more exciting.

As always I heart reviews, even the flamers. They aid my urge to write fanfiction.

"Ah, yes," Dumbledore hummed to himself, opening a thick, yellow-paged book that he had conjured out of thin air. "Canis Cyrullis," he scanned the page.

"Will someone _please_," Sirius begged, clutching at his scalp like a madman, "explain to me how a little dot in the sky will rewind time!"

Dumbledore closed the book with a snap, a truly annoyed, scolding image across his visage, "Quiet, will you! He'll hear you!"

"He?"

"Sirius!"

"_I'm _Sirius!"

"The Dog Star! The brightest star in the heavens!"

"But… but… isn't it just a big ball of energy? It doesn't have a sex…"

Dumbledore made a choking noise. He muttered to the starlit night sky, "Forgive him. He doesn't understand." He then glared at the black-haired man, "Stop insulting the one you are about to asking for help!"

"But… I don't…"

"I agree with Sirius," Remus piped up, sitting on a rock. "It all sounds ridiculous to me. Muggle scientists speculate that it's just burning gases millions of miles away. Are they wrong?"

The corner of one of Dumbledore's blue eye twitched. He then raised a crooked hand to his temple and breathed slowly. "Does no one pay attention in History of Magic?"

"Nope. We all copied off of Evans," said Sirius.

Remus seemed rejuvenated by this, "Sirius! You remember!"

"Yeah, that class was boring. I remember feeling bad because when it was a full moon and you were sick but I was too bored to take notes for you, so I'd have to beg Lily for them. James was better at it…"

"Remember his little pouty-face?"

"Isn't that how he got her to go out with him?"

"Yes, yes it is!"

Dumbledore patiently waited for their laughter to subside until both men looked at him expectantly. They abashedly stopped smiling, as if they were caught talking in class. He gave them a serious look, voice full of importance, "Millennia ago, polytheism was prominent, was it not? People believed that things had spirits. Rocks, Trees, mountains… stars… were all deities in their own right."

"Yes, but…" Sirius began.

Dumbledore promptly ignored him (he didn't raise his hand), "Wizards… sages… shaman as they were sometimes called, summoned powers from these things, respectfully asking the deity to lend them their temporary powers. They asked the god of wind to bring rain. The sun god to bring a good harvest. And then there were instances where a prayer could actually heal the sick, alter fire and lift things in the air. These prayers were the earliest, primitive spells. The shaman believed that he was merely borrowing power, when really it was a form of his own spiritual and magical abilities." His lecture was whispered on the wind where it faded into the forest.

"So… this Canis Cyrullis… is one of those spells… those…. prayers?" Remus evaluated.

Dumbledore nodded, "It seems to have originated in Rome before the days of Christianity. The word 'Canis' could mean the constellation Canis Major that includes the star Sirius. The meaning of the word 'cyrullis' is less known. It could be a reference to the Persian emperor Cyrus although…"

Sirius interrupted again, "But what happened to it? To the old prayers, I mean…"

"I thought that would be obvious," said Dumbledore, his half-moon glasses catching starlight. "Magic evolved."

"Christianity took over," said Remus.

"Very good assessment, Mr. Lupin," said Dumbledore, smiling, "With the coming of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, magic began to look inward. Spells were written in Latin, no longer were we requesting the powers of gods. Men realized that they could do it themselves. With this began the splitting of white and dark magic. Dark magic occurred when the wizard was only concerned about himself and his own power. He used difficult and terrifying spell in order to manipulate men and nature. White magic exists when the wizard is focused on the greater good, God, and his destiny. White magic is what is taught at Hogwarts, although this form is much more secular."

"So… we have to pray to this… star… to form a more powerful spell than we could form ourselves?" asked Sirius

"Yes. That is correct."

"And what if that's against my religion?" Remus snorted at Sirius' remark; he was never a very religious one. Indeed, he had only seen Sirius at church twice in his life: once to become Harry's godfather and the other for a "mock" marriage with him. Neither of them took it seriously, in fact they both had worn jeans… although Remus had always kept the ring in his pocket for a reason that he couldn't fathom.

"If you believe that Sirius is not a god, but a very strong spirit or life force, I won't think we'll have a problem," Dumbledore smiled benignly.

"So what do we have to do?" asked Sirius bravely reaching out to hold Remus' hand on the rock…for comfort, of course.

"I don't think you two realize what an awful risk this is. If your heart is not in this spell, then you could be badly wounded or even killed," Dumbledore said. A worry line formed between his eyebrows.

Sirius looked at Remus.

Remus looked at Sirius.

Finally, after a too long moment of glittering, moonlight eyes searching, a wide smile broke out on Remus' face. He said to the old man, "That can't stop us. In fact, the risk makes it more fun! We're adventurers remember."

Sirius felt a warm grin that hadn't been on his face in quite some time. Younger voices echoed in his mind, playful voices, "_Let's go on an adventure, Moony!"_ playing pirates, cowboys, detectives or whichever creative way they could. Whatever the adventure, though, Moony was always his sidekick… Watson Moony to Dr. Moony to First Mate Moony to Partner in Crime Moony. Moony was always will him. This was the same sort of adventure as when they were twelve, only a bit more real.

_Whatever the adventure, _Sirius thought_, Moony is my sidekick._

He squeezed his friend's fingers.

For Comfort.

Of course.

(A/N: Review!)


	8. Sirius' Power

A/N: Life doesn't make sense sometimes. A story that you might really work hard on may not get attention… and one you didn't really put effort into gets more... oh well.

I love you guys anyway! Please keep reading and reviewing. I apologize for the delay.

This chapter is really freaky. But I liked writing it so :P.

Sirius' Power

_The waves of time receded on the sands of wisdom, _

_Kneeling to knowledge, time humbled itself and made way into nothingness…_

Sirius was shivering now, his brave words from a few minutes ago falling short. His watch bewilderedly as Dumbledore drew markings in the forest floor. Candles summoned from nowhere were flickering into life. He and Remus stood huddled together like scared children in the center of a great circle. Dumbledore mumbled enchantments in some unknown language. Supposedly he was setting up some sort of barrier.

_Our existence will turn to nothing in the end,_

_Time itself pales in comparison to the great power,_

_She means nothing and cannot extinguish a flicker of hope…_

He watched Remus' face in the soft shadowy moonlight. Even in the starlight he could see the soft freckles on his cheeks, the freckles that so enthralled him in his youth.

_Reason is what makes us human,_

_Knowledge is our only power,_

_Let us pursue it to make our lives complete,_

_For happiness is the only means of escape…_

He looked somewhat scared too. Without realizing it he grasped Remus' cool and clammy hands. Scenes of mountains suddenly entered into his mind. Remus sat on the back of his good old motorbike, laughing into the cool blue sky. He felt suddenly elated. _That wasn't a bad memory_, he thought. He felt himself smile into those golden fiery eyes, the irises dancing with the candlelight. Remus grinned back too, a poke of a white eyetooth. He looked so sweet. Sirius was smiling and Remus was smiling and they were both smiling together. For absolutely no reason at all.

_O, Sirius _

_Let time recede like the waves on the sand of knowledge,_

_For knowledge will bring us Wisdom,_

_Wisdom will bring us Hope,_

_Hope will bring us Love_

_And Love is our only escape._

Dumbledore brushed the dirt off of his hands and whistled towards them. "Are you ready?" he asked, looking grave.

The just stared back, hands in hands, as if to say, "we don't even know what to be ready for…" Remus snuggled closer to Sirius (for warmth) and simply nodded.

"Right," Dumbledore said. "Now, keep in mind that this spell is usually done with one person at a time. But I am certain it is possible to have two people at the same time. It's been done to my three cousins together once. But after that they ran away, sadly…" he scratched his beard. "If I remember correctly, a full chorus is supposed to sing this chant, but as I'm the only one here you're going to have to put up with my singing. I apologize in advance."

Remus laughed, tensely. Sirius hugged him, he could feel the knots in his back. It was really cold tonight.

"It would be better for you to put your chi centers together. Your forehead, hands, feet, like you were before… yes… that's very good…" he cleared his throat readying himself for the song. "Before I begin, is their any thing you need to know? Remember to remind me about the house, and to be careful about what you say to Harry, and just… be safe. Alright?"

He felt Remus nod against his forehead, shivering again. Sirius closed his eyes and felt the energy the headmaster spoke of rushing to that spot.

Before he knew it, the singing had begun. But it wasn't nearly as bad as Sirius thought to would be. The melody chimed through them. Remus squeezed his hands. He felt his breath go in, and go out on his lips.

There was singing but there was also silence.

And reality shifted. The air around them seemed to turn to water, the ground honey, their body's milk… the space between thoughts expanded. Emotion was left behind with reason. Darkness enveloped them but did not imprison them in her siege. Their atoms and molecules and matter were scattered in the void.

Everything around them was nothingness.

But they still existed.

No thought. No feeling. Just some sort of energy, a soul, Brahmin, spirit, God… light. The things that used to be called Remus and Sirius were encircling each other like a dance of stars in the galaxy, until they collided; they were one. A brighter orb waited in the darkness…

If they still had reason, this state could have been called peace. If they had emotion they would have called it love. A greater orb was pulling them in…

Until…

Reality reemerged. A great flood. Molecules were reassigned to the body. Emotion filled the heart with continued life. Reason brought back memories. My name is Remus. My name is Sirius.

Memories. Memories from the future, past, present reemerged.

The rhythm of life began again. A heart was beating again. Organs were functioning again. Blood was pumping. Lungs were breathing. Thoughts were churning. The great machine was running once more.

Looking down at the dirty, scarred hands that he once had, Sirius Black's first conscious thought began as: _I love Remus Lupin_…

And finished as: _What the hell just happened?_


	9. Mutt's Master

_Man, I need to shave_, Sirius thought, feeling his hairy chin with uncut fingernails. His beard was back… _Merlin how far back did I go?_ The body he was in felt physically smaller; the light fat and muscle he had gained over the summer was gone. He could feel the dead skin on his hands and ankles. It didn't take much sniffing to realize that he smelled too…

He hadn't realized what spending the summer at Remus' meant for his well being. He was already feeling less healthy and they had been only separated for… for…

Hip… po… griff.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" cried Sirius suddenly in to the early summer morning. He had just woken up to find himself high in the air, the houses beneath him as small as matchboxes. Buckbeak started and by instinct rose higher in the air out of fear. The air whipped his too-long hair into his face. Great wings beat the wind into submission. Sirius stroked the silky feathers of Buckbeak's neck. "Sorry, Beaky! Just got startled is all," Sirius said into the back of the creature's head. He seemed to understand. The jumpy flap of wings became steadier and more regular.

Sirius surveyed the town below him through the white fluffy clouds. His eyes strained from the sunlight and he wondered what had he been doing two months ago. Ants were marching to work on their little hill. By the height of the sun Sirius judged it was mid-afternoon. "Moony," he whispered to himself. The man had been completely consuming his thoughts lately and today was no exception. He wanted to race across the world to be at his best friend's side.

In a head that should have been full of worries of Voldemort and impending doom, there was only Remus John Lupin…

0o-o0O0o-o0O0o-o0

Thump, thump, thump. His tail hit the wooden porch again and again as he looked into the werewolf's brown eyes. His master's face frowned bemusedly. Thump, thump. The dog let out the breath he'd been holding and let his mouth open a bit, his tongue loosening. Suddenly he wanted to lick his master's cheek like a puppy, but he repressed that urge. _See, see, I'm sitting. I'm a good boy. I'm a good dog. Please keep me?_ thought dog-Sirius as he lifted a paw for Remus to shake hands with. _Please? Inside?_

Remus Lupin smiled down at the mutt, slowly kneeling in front of him. Thump, Thump, thump. He ran his fingers through the dog's hair and scratched his ears. Sirius loved moments like this. "You're here a week early." He sniffed his hand, taking in the raw scent that was Remus. "Did you forget to notify the rest of the order members?"

The thumping stopped.

Remus could tell by the way the dog's eyes widened that he had. The dog ducked his head shamefully. "No matter," said Lupin. "We can always just use a patronus and notify them that way. In fact, I think that would've been a better idea in the first place." The dog heartily agreed as he followed Remus inside, tail wagging behind him. "That was certainly fast," he said. "What a weird feeling! It was increadible, wasn't it Snuffles?"

The dog woofed.

"I think you should stay like that for the moment," his master continued. "I need to put some charms up on the house before you change back." Padfoot sat on his moth-eaten plaid couch, eyeing his master as he babbled to the dog like a mad person. "I don't think Dumbledore will mind you not being there in person, do you? It would make much more sense for you to send a patronus. Didn't you almost get caught last time?" Sirius' tail stopped wagging and he formed a doggy frown. "I'd rather have you here anyway." He whispered an incantation onto one of his few windows. "Did you already transform Buckbeak?" He woofed in a regal fashion, as if to say, "of couse". "Good boy."

Sirius blushed under his black fur coat. Remus finished up some of his charms. Totally at random, he howled. The sing-song voice startled his master and he turned and grinned at the dog, "I missed you too, you silly mutt. I'm glad we got out ok." A bark and Sirius sprung off of the couch and clambered onto his heels, knocking Master down and spreading dog-kisses all over his face. "Ok, ok," said Remus as he licked his stubble from chin to ear. "Sirius!" He licked the crevice of Master's ear, a sensation that made him ridiculously happy and his tail flicked back and forth at break-neck speed. "C'mon… you stupid mutt…" He let a growl from his throat, and thought about how nice it would feel if he was human right now.

Only, all of the sudden he was human. Right now.

His fully human and much squishier tongue was attached to Remus' stubble. Very wet, very human saliva had made a sticky trail across his cheek. He was so close to kissing him…

Both of their eyes widened.

Sirius pulled his tongue back in his mouth with a pop. Covering his mouth with his hand, he face now resembled a tomato. His heart was hammering.

Remus simply wiped his cheek with the back of his hand and smiled. "Silly puppy," he said amiably.

Instantly this triggered another memory…

"_Remus! Remus! Look!" said the younger and cleaner Sirius Black, bouncing on Remus' scarlet bed. "I'm getting better at it!" He instantly changed back into his dog form. After a few tries, he had only been able to hold his dog form for five minutes or so, and changed back sporadically and sometime nakedly. The pads of his paws sometimes had a human-skin quality to it, earning him the nickname padfoot._

"_You look good, Sirius," said Remus, thoroughly impressed. "Not a spot of human on you! The wolf won't be able to smell human on you at all!" The dog wagged its tail. "You've made me so happy, Padfoot. Really, you have," he smiled beaming. Obviously, Sirius couldn't let that cheek go unkissed. He sloppily placed dog kisses all over his face. Until, of course, he turned human._

_He was licking Remus' face. And he was naked._

Sirius was more embarrassed than he had ever been in his teenaged life. He had felt like crying. But after wiping his cheek, wrapping him in a blanket, and smiling in a it'll-be-fine sort of way Remus whispered, "Silly puppy."

"I've done that before, haven't I?" Sirius grumbled, feeling just as embarrassed. He looked apologetically at his master.

Remus smiled, remembering that himself. "You remember that! I'm so proud of you, Sirius! You've improved so much since last… this… summer." Sirius didn't look very proud at all. "Cheer up, Pads. At least you're not naked this time."

He smiled at that.

"But, we'd better send those messages, Sirius," Master said.

"Ok."

Twenty minutes later they were watching the patronus' fly into the distance. Sirius sighed into the afternoon, letting the premature summer air warm his lungs. The sky was an aging blue, absolutely gorgeous compared to the grays of Azkaban...

Remus writhed his hands. All afternoon, all he wanted to do was hug the man next to him. It took all of his self-restraint to not kiss him when he licked his cheek earlier. He had been so close for a second. Sirius breathed the air in and out slowly. "You all right?" asked Remus.

"Yes," Sirius sighed. He closed his eyes and let the wind brush his hair. "It's just… life is so beautiful, you know? So… free…"

It had been the closest thing to mentioning Azkaban from both this summer and the last. "Do you want to talk about it?" asked Remus.

"Everything… _there_… was just so empty," said Sirius. "There was no one. Not one. Never in my life had there been no one. Even, with my family… even if they hated me, my mother was _someone_. And even though I've forgotten so much about the good times, I knew that I always had _someone_. James was someone. Lily, Harry, and you were someones. But… but… then there wasn't anyone. I know it might sound ridiculous now, but I thought I'd never smile again... Now there's someone, Moony."

Sirius' smiled, eyes positively beaming. Remus was very proud that he understood that babble. He understood it _exactly_. Wrapping his arm around his shoulder companionably, Remus admitted, "You're my someone too, Pads." But his heart fluttered with a guilty beat, even as Sirius half-hugged him back. _I really should tell him_, thought Remus. They had been together for so long, he just prayed he would remember _something_ about their past relationship soon, otherwise he would just be so overwhelmed by Sirius' cuteness that he would pounce on him. It still seemed too soon, though…

"Phew, Pads," Remus sniffed him. "You need a bath, don't you?"

"And lunch."

"Bath first."

"Ok."

"I'll get some lunch ready," said Remus heading back inside to wash his hands. "You're not eating rats anymore, Sirius. Go scrub."

"Ok."

He obediently made his way to the bathroom, knowing already where the towels and shaving cream were. Remus sighed into the sink, worrying his hands pink. He was already so indecisive about love it was painful. It was going to be a tough few months.


End file.
